People will look at me and think I am happy. I will put on a fake smile and fool everyone. This really is not me though. I am severely depressed and I also fight suicidal thoughts constantly.
The majority of my life has been spent being depressed. The little devil on my shoulder always out talks the little angel. The devil does not tell me to go do evil instead I am told how no good I am. He proceeds to tell me people do not want anything to do with me. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry hoping for an end to this torment I go through. My mind constantly is going a mile a minute. People that say they love me or care about me really have no idea the hell I am living.
This is not a situational depression. I simply cannot have things go right and everything will be fine. My life cannot be fixed that easily. I follow my doctors orders and I take my medicine, but there is no miracle pill or any type of medicine that will take the pain away.
Another thing that really hurts is when you are betrayed by friends and family. Maybe they do not know your whole story, or they just do not want to hear the truth. People can be extremely hurtful. They will tell you one thing and another person something totally different. I do not believe in trusting anyone probably because people I trusted have hurt me a lot. People I thought would always be there for me have let me down. Do not trust just anyone saying they are your friend. People will use you until you are no good to them anymore. Nothing hurts worse than believing someone cares only to be severely hurt by them.
Day to day,actually hour to hour is a struggle for me and I would love to have something magically make me happy. I want to know what happiness is. Depression has robbed me of life and love. It is difficult to believe anyone who says they care. I do not feel loved or cared about by anyone.