It has been a long couple days. I have not posted anything because I was having trouble coming up with an idea. I started searching around for an idea and found “ What Is Your Ideal Mate?”
When I read that it made me think. What do I want from my mate? I do not even know what I want from myself. I am stuck in this rut right now where I do not know what my life holds in store for me. Right now I am married. Honestly I cannot say everything is great. I recently had a hospitalization due to my depression. That was a little over a month ago. What had started that meltdown was a big fight with my husband. Our fights are usually about my sons or money. My sons are not his biological children so I feel he does not seem as forgiving or understanding of them as I do. I have that bond with them that he does not and he does not understand it. He has helped raise them from the time they were six years old and almost two years old. I know he cares about them but it is not the same feeling as I have biologically. For me to describe that is hard. They are my sons and I love them regardless of circumstance.
I guess that is one thing I would want, someone who understands the parental bond. That, to me, is most important. Another thing I would want from my ideal mate is total understanding of my mental health state. I really do not feel that is out there unless they have the same issues and that may not go to well together. It would be like mixing fire and gasoline. My spouse seems understanding. He knows I have days where I am just going to cry or sleep. To explain to him why I feel the way I do to him, or anyone, is hard. A lot of people if they have not dealt with it, do not know what it can do to someone. The person does not realize how debilitating it can be for some. Mental illness has such a stigma attached to it. My husband seems to think at times if I just go outside my mood will change for the better. Sometimes it helps, other times it is just too much to get out of bed.
Looks and money mean nothing to me. I believe you can look great but have an ugly heart and that just makes you ugly all over. My ideal mate would have a big caring heart and be romantic. I do like romance. Flowers, candy, and hugs is what makes my heart pump. I also enjoy flirting also. A little bit of adventure would be nice also. My husband and I currently do not do much. Once in a while we will go out to eat. I do not want extravagant vacations but once in a while a weekend or day trip would be perfect. Just enough to get away and spend quality time together.
So it boils down to I want a man who understand what It is to have children, a little romance, adventure, understand me, and he has to like sports. I do not know if that man is out there. Right now I am married so there is nothing I could do if he is. I can dream though.