One time, about twelve years ago, I was told that anger that has built up inside of a person can turn into depression. At the time I did not know if I believed it for sure or not. As I grow older I am finding that it is very true.
A little over a year ago I had a life changing event happen to me. It is something that I was very angry about at the time. I thought maybe my anger was fading away but I have to admit that I have felt a lot more depressed than I have in years past. This is when I realized that the anger from the event had played a factor in this most recent depressive episode.
Feeling depressed and worthless is probably the worst feeling in the world. This is the way I have felt most of my life. When I was younger I blamed it on my childhood and how chaotic it was. Now that I am older and have more life experiences I know that my anger has turned into depression. What happened to me last summer hurt tremendously. Every time I think about the event I get angry and sad. The reason being is because before the event happened I was feeling better than I have in years. I was extremely happy. Now all I feel is sadness and despair.
It hurts. I cry and cry. Nothing makes it better.
My main goal in life is to be happy. That may not seem like much to some, but to me it is everything. It is not material things that will make me happy, I believe it is feeling loved. A person can tell you they love you but unless it is felt it is just words. If you love someone show them. When I feel appreciated is when I feel the best. It truly is the small things in life that make the biggest difference.