I am having one of what I call an “off day”. An ‘off day” is when I do not feel right. I feel very tearful and my self- esteem is extremely low on these days. Days like this seem to last the longest.
I wish I could pin point the source of my problem. It is so hard for me to understand how I feel and why I feel this way. If I was on the outside looking in I would wonder “ what is wrong with this woman?” As an outsider it looks like I got everything I would ever need or want. I feel lost, I am at a point in my life where I am questioning everything around me. I question why people talk to me and consider me their friend because I am always depressed and I am no fun. My husband could do so much better and have someone much better than me. I feel as though I am extremely screwed up and unlovable.
Days like this are the hardest to fight through. I feel as though I do not want to fight anymore. My children keep me going. They may need me. Other than that I really do not care at all. It is sad to feel like this but it is the truth. I have felt this way for many years and I keep pushing on for my boys. I just wonder if someday when they do not have as much of a need for me if I will keep fighting. Who is to say. I feel so alone, I feel uncared for even though I know it is not true and I hate feeling this way.